2018, 2019.

the first half of 2018,

tbh la, aku rasa 6 bulan yg pertama tu, adalah waktu yg paling teruk dalam hidup aku. bila aku try ingat balik apa yg jadi sepanjang tempoh tu, i can only remember pain, heartbreaks, stressful life, semangat yg dipatah-patahkan...... if i were to describe my life during that span of time in colors, definitely it would be greyish-black. at that time, aku rasa macam unworthy, full of guilt, depressed. i tried to make myself happy tapi ntah la dia macam tak jadi. dapat rasa la yg i'm faking myself. senang cerita, i feel like a piece of shit. but thank God, environment sekeliling aku sangat la supportive. i was able to heal because of my friends. if it weren't for them, aku rasa sampai sekarang aku masih terdampar pada dasar yg paling dalam lagi gelap- tak jumpa jalan keluar. haa gitu. 

masuk second half of 2018,

hidup aku yg greyish-black tadi tu tetiba bertukar warna tau. used to see everything in monochrome but slowly the colors came in and changed the whole scenery. there's always a rainbow after the rain falls. this was when, i finally learn how to accept what life gave to me with open arms and heart, and how to let things go. also, i have found another reason to live. tambah pulak dengan environment yg macam aku cakap tadi, sangat la supportive and positive. final year ni takyah cakap ah, hectic gila-gila kan. mana nak catch up study lagi, nak berkejar siapkan research lagi. but alhamdullilah, eventhough perjalanan tu macam bumpy sikit but overall, i can say that my journey is quite smooth. i enjoyed my second half of 2018. 

2018 is surely one hell of a ride, but full of lessons. 

ada sebab kenapa setiap satu benda tu terjadi dekat kita. all the bad things that happened to us; it may caused us pain and ripped us into pieces but at the end of the day, it is actually a blessing. blessings in terms of how it helped us to find ourselves and brought ourselves back, stronger than ever. also, time susah tu la kita dapat tengok siapa yg still stick dengan kita, yg ada dengan kita time kita jatuh, yg sanggup bantu kita baiki diri yg punah ranah, yg tarik tangan kita untuk bangun dan terus jalan sama-sama ke hadapan. that is blessing. dan sentiasa la bersyukur sbb Tuhan dah izinkan sebaik-baik manusia untuk ada bersama kau. 

also, try not to bring your past into the future. untuk menjadi aku yg baru, haruslah dilepas bebas masa yg lalu- aku selalu cuba untuk pegang kata-kata ni. sebab kalau kau duk asyik bawak je masa lalu kau, kau takkan dapat nikmati masa sekarang kau sepenuhnya dan future kau pun, akan dipengaruhi oleh masa lampau kau. you won't able to be a new you. frankly, i'm the type of a person who likes to cling to memories. tapi kalau dah terseksa diri sebab itu, baik kau belajar untuk lepas dengan perlahan-lahan. that feeling when you finally able to let things go is a pure bliss. 

next, when things started to go rough, always remind yourself to stop for a while. take a break. breathe in. pat yourself on the back and tell yourself; you did well, you did great. don't push yourself too hard. ye, kita mahukan yg terbaik untuk kita, untuk orang sekeliling kita. but if we stress ourselves too much, things will go haywire. masa tu, kalau tetiba things doesn't go well, of course we will blame ourselves for not being good enough. the guilt and sadness will creep from the back and engulf you into the darkness. so sebelum semua itu terjadi, take a break! rehat bersama kitkat. it's okay to slow down, seriously. that moment of slowing down will show you your true potential and you can appreciate yourself more. 

2018 is a year full of sweats, tears, laughter, heartbreak, picking yourself up, confusion and several times of saying 'i wanna die'. but it's okay, everything happens for a reason. smile and open your arms wide. you'll be happier. 

thank you 2018 for the valuable lessons. akan aku bawak sampai mati. to those who left, thank you for cherishing my life once. to those who stays, terima kasih sebab sudi stay hahaha. sorry for all my wrong doings sepanjang 2018 dan juga tahun-tahun sebelumnya. may 2019 brings us nothing but joy and we get to achieve whatever goals that we had in mind. and if we were to experience more pains and heartbreaks, it's okay. may it help us to be a better version of ourselves. moga Tuhan mempermudahkan segalanya, insya Allah. 

and to rx11, let's rock our final sem!! #roadtograduation

k done bebel. sekian, terima kasih. haha. 

dear you, thanks.

have you ever felt;

the sense of tightness in your chest,

the way acids and feels churn wildly in your tummy,

how the stupid grins can never left your face, 

how your eyes glisten at the sight of something so beautiful,

you don't want to blink even for a second-- 

as you are afraid that it will go away,

for you have found your safe haven.

have your ever felt that?

because,

i do.

all thanks to you. 

1048 pm//15122018

kau ada.

dan mungkin terkadang, 
perasaan itu muncul sendiri.

seperti udara yang disedut hembus,
seperti titis hujan yang turun membasahi bumi yang kering,
seperti udara petang yang meniup lembut,

kau ada.
kau mendekat.
kau menenangkan.
kau melengkapkan.

dan,

tak akan berkurang lagi senyuman ini,
tak akan pudar cahaya mentari pagi,
tak akan terganti bait puisi nyanyian hati,

selagi kau ada.
tolong selalu ada.
aku yakin kau akan selalu ada. 


1139pm//03122018

Forgive me.

kita selalu kan, buat something yang kita tak sedar pun merosakkan diri kita sendiri. we don't even realize that one day, the bad things we do akan backfire kita. all we know that we want to satisfy ourselves without considering the bad consequences that will happen to us.

betapa ignorant nya kita. 

today, i came to realize that, certain things that i do, actually is bad. aku dah tahu dah benda tu buruk, tapi ada beza antara kau tahu dan kau ada kesedaran. i'm literally destroying myself. Allah dah bagi semua nikmat-Nya dekat aku. alhamdulillah, i'm living well. makan cukup. belajar okay. duit setakat ni cukup. pakaian cukup. tempat tinggal pun ada. parents aku still ada, family aku ada. everything is complete in my life. but still, i keep on doing things yang dah terang2 Allah murka. 

jahatnya aku. mensia2kan nikmat yang Allah bagi. betapa tak bersyukurnya aku. 

i should have been better to myself. i shouldn't have taken things that God have given to me for granted. i should have make use of myself for better things. things that will give benefits not only for me, but the people around me.

Allah, please forgive me.

forgive me for all the things i've done. forgive me for being ignorant. forgive me for destroying myself. forgive me, as i have sinned. 

i promise to be better. i promise to left all the bad things behind dan cuba untuk berubah ke arah yang lebih baik. Kau telah menjadikan aku seorang manusia dan telah memberi peluang kepada aku untuk hidup bersama orang2 yang baik. kuatkan hati aku untuk terus taat kepada-Mu. lindungilah diriku dan juga orang disekelilingku. keep us under your blessings. 

lindungilah kami. peliharalah kami. ampunilah kami.

amin ya rabbal 'alamin. 

All is well.

Feelings have been sorted out.
Done explaining, done clearing things up.

All is well.
Now, i'm all good.

Finally.



May the future holds only good things to all of us. 

i don't really like to talk about my family issues. but sometimes, u just need to spill out your feelings, i guess. and this place seems like a good spot to rant your heart out.

so, yeah. 

i hope that one day, i found someone that will love only me. and i hope that, i can have a family that i've been dreaming of since i was a child. living happily without having the fear of sharing the person that you love wholeheartedly with someone else. living life without being scared of your children's future. living freely without having the thoughts of you being unworthy. 

i just want a guy that will love me and only me. i just want my future kids to have their dad all by themselves, without having to share it with anyone else. i don't want my future kids to have the life that i'm currently living. i don't want them to live in a world where they have other siblings instead of their own and why their dad is having another woman besides their mum. i don't want that.

all i want is to be happy, really. i want my future kids to be happy.

so please, let me have someone that will love me and only me. i'm tired of sharing. and i'm tired of being hurt. 

i just want to be happy. 

Flight Log : Arrival

**this was supposed to be posted long time ago but i forgot but also, its a pity la utk tak post kan so yeah post je la ahahahahahahah kbye

GOT7 IS BACK! I REPEAT GOT7 IS FREAKIN BACK!!!!!!

okay, so they made their comeback yesterday (13/03/2017) with Flight Log: Arrival; epilogue for the Flight Log Trilogy. i think, the whole fandom was hyped up with this comeback and surprisingly, they have been breaking their personal records with this album. like when the album was released, 20k have been sold in the first hour like weh!!! 20k isnt a small amount. and the preorders alone reached 220k. LEGENDS ONLY.

as for the mv and the title song, personally for me, Never Ever is the best title ever next to Fly. i was so in love with Fly, seriously but Never Ever has succeed in capturing my heart. so basically for flight log trilogy; Never Ever >> Fly >>>> Hard Carry.

Hard Carry was dope like seriously and the choreo was a MASTERPIECE, but for me, that song is not the one that u want to listen to 24/7. Never Ever is better.

here's the link to Never Ever MV. u guys should check it out. help us increase their view! hehe

and oh, all of them, LOOK HANDSOME CRAZY IN THE MV NO JOKE. okay, there's no such thing as visual hole in Got7 but u can see that they're shining in the mv! it's like their visual is upgraded to level 9999999999. Mark (read: bae) looks dashing in suit sitting against that sick car, Jinyoung being the disney prince, Jaebum chic as always, Jackson in turtle neck smashing thru the walls... *dies*, Youngjae in all white HE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGEL, Bambam got me shookt with his white hair and Yugyeom in choker... and him singing the opening of the song... and his black hair... yeah.... in conclusion, they're handsome af.

so next, about their whole new discography- consist of 8 new songs with Never Ever as it title song. i'll give my impression for all of the songs so bear with me okay HAHAHAHAHA

1) Never Ever:

• as i said, THE BEST TITLE TRACK EVER. it has that tropic kinda sound? idk i'm not good in describing song's genre. but yeah, i like it. gyeom's opening, amerithaikong's rap, jinyoung highnotes (him singing 'baby u belong to me' got me falling to my feet) and 2jae's vocal in the chorus- overall their vocals are very on point in this song. they really improved a lot u know it makes me feel like crying ;; my precious boys ;;;;;

2) Shopping Mall:

• yeah i know the title's funny but u need to hear the song!!! it's so good tho!!! this song will be the next skyway for me (skyway is my second fav in fl: turbulence next to my home) and did i mentioned mark and jaebum's part??? oh god.......... markbum literally made me cried, especially mark's 'oh girl u make my heart beat, u're my beauty i'm ur beast' like STAPHHHH MORKKKKKKKK U'RE TORTURING MEHHHHHHH 

3) Paradise:

• i thought this song would be the title song haha bcus before the tracklist release, fans have been speculating that the title would be Paradise, based on the spoilers the boys gave but it's not. anyways the song is also good. it's quite different from what jinyoung had wrote in the previous two albums (Can't and Mayday) but still it's jinyoung's. jinyoung = masterpiece so paradise = masterpiece.

4) Sign:

• for me, sign is prove it 2.0- IT'S SEXY AF. shoutout to youngjae for writing this song! i like r&b songs so sign got me right in the feeeeeeeeeelsssssss. also, mork's 'ur eyes are so deep, beautiful, what i need' left me breathless like DUDE WILL U STAPH U ALREADY GOT MY HEART SINCE 2015 SO STAPH he's really getting after me this comeback hahahaha.

5) Go Higher:

• if u're looking for a song u want to blast out loud in ur room and bang ur head till u're dizzy af, then this is it. it has the similar feel as 2pm's Go Crazy but there's some part here and there that's still different. both songs are good tho. everyone in this song sounds fantastic. i can imagine them singing live in my head. most probably they will go wild if they're performing this at their upcoming concert. what is got7 anyway without the word wild heh. 

6) Q:

• aww this song is cute. it gives u the vibe of being in a cafe sipping ur latte, looking across the room, waiting for the one to come to u. and it seriously sounds sooooo like jaebum HAHAHA AND MORK SINGS WEH! HE IS FREAKIN SINGING IN Q!!!!!! who says mork can't sing??? in ur face haters!!!!!

7) Don't Care:

• this song has gyeom's vibe (he composed it so duh) hm not my cup of tea but still, it's goooooodddddd

8) OUT:

• i laughed really hard when i saw this one in the title tracklist like weh seriously OUT?? are got7 using their inside jokes as a song?? it's catchy and i like jaebum's rap in this song and oh oh!! JACKS AND MORK'S MONOLOGUE!!! /dies/

so yeah, i think that is all.. for now... dont forget to stream the mv!! help us increase the views and buy their cd!! ahahahaha k jk (but seriously if u can afford, go and buy now)

as a closing, here, have a mork gif doing his 'uri maengsehaebolkka let’s try it
maeume gyeyageul hae let’s sign it' part bye!! 

xoxo

11:11 Jung Joonhyung

i actually have studying to do since my midterm exams start tmrw but since i'm lazy and don't have any spirits to remember all the name of drugs, so here i am. 

this time, i'm gonna rant about jung joonhyung. 

so, who's this joonhyung guy? he's the main male lead in a drama titled 'weightlifting fairy kim bokjoo'. if u haven't watched the drama, then u really should, now, pronto! okay, joke. the drama, basically, for me, have all the goals that u ever wanted in ur life- relationship goals, family goals, friendship goals, life goals, etc. the storyline itself is beautiful and all the casts certainly brings all the character into life. i give 10/10 for this drama, seriously. 

okay, back to jung joonhyung. 

u see, that charming guy- he's joonhyung @ his real name, nam joohyuk (he's such a bae). next to him is the one and only, kim bokjoo! @ lee sungkyung (she so pretty i cry TT)

both of them are #RELATIONSHIPGOALS i swear.

joonhyung is a childhood friend of bokjoo. they met again when they're in college, bokjoo in the weightlifting department and joonhyung himself in the swimming department. they bicker nonstop when they first met again and joonhyung calling bokjoo 'ddung' is the cutest thing ever, no joke. what i like about joonhyung is that, he accepts bokjoo for who she is- no matter how ugly, how clumsy, how rough she is, he still likes her. and her personality makes him fall in love with her.

and both of them are very supportive towards each other. they way joonhyung let bokjoo leave him for her olympic training (eventho he knows long distance relationship sucks) makes me realize that, yes, having someone that understands what is ur dreams and helps u to achieve ur ambitions is the best thing u could ever wish for. not all people can handle the distance, yknow. and how joonhyung is always there for her, thru thicks and thins touched me, most of the time. also, he's cute and clingy and over-protective and cute.

and bokjoo also, is always there for him.

their relationship is cute and healthy, at the same time. u don't see this kind of relationship in every kdrama, okay. and i'm not the type that gets to attached to a kdrama, heck i dont really watch them, but wlfkbj is an exception. (most of my friends were crazy over goblin- until now- but nah, i prefer wlfkbj more, and i will never get over this drama, NEVER) #bokjoo4lyfe

so, yeah i think that's all, for now.

in conclusion, having someone like jung joonhyung in my life and a relationship like bokjoohyung are my 11:11.

i'm gonna continue filling my head with drugs, its mechanism of actions and God knows whatever else. till next time.

New Look.

i've neglected this blog way too long thus, 

i decide to give it some new looks. 

tadaaaaaaaaaa.

okay, back to studying pharmacolgy.

i have exams next week.

wish me luck.

i think the % of heartlessness in me has increased 1% daily. 

i don't think it's good but having constant mental breakdown on how to fix back your broken heart wasn't good either.

so i think i'll just pass on having feelings and go on with being heartless.

at least, my life will be a smooth ride and not go all topsy-turvy, right?

Really I Didn't Know.

Really I Didn't Know (original singer Im Hee Suk) by EXO's Baekhyun & Chen.

Romanized:

geu torok saranghadeon geu saram

irheobeorigo

taoreuneun nae maeumman

heuneukkyeo une

geutorok mideo watdeon geu saram

dora seol juriya

yejeoneneun mollasseonne

jinjeong nan mollanne

nuguinga bureo juneun hwiparam sori

haengyeona chajajulkka geu nimi aniolkka

gidarineun maeum heomuhaera

geutorok mideo watdeon geu saram

dora seol juriya

yejeoneneun mollasseonne

jinjeong nan mollanne

nuguinga bureo juneun hwiparam sori

haengyeona chajajulkka geu nimi aniolkka

gida rineun maeum heomuhaera

geutorok mideo watdeon geu saram

dora seol juriya

yejeoneneun mollasseonne

jinjeong nan mollanne

Translation:

The man I loved so dearly, has deserted me

And I am now weeping, holding with my wretched heart

The man I trusted with his love, has left me indeed

Honest God, I really didn’t know that he would leave me

Really, I didn’t know

The sound of someone whistling I hear

Perhaps could it be he?

Would he be back?

I am finding myself wretchedly waiting for him

The man I trusted with his love, has left me indeed

Honest God, I really didn’t know that he would leave me

Really, I didn’t know

The sound of someone whistling I hear

Perhaps could it be he?

Would he be back?

I am finding myself wretchedly waiting for him

The man I trusted with his love, has left me indeed

Honest God, I really didn’t know that he would leave me

Really, I didn’t know

The man I loved so dearly, has deserted me

And I am now weeping (And I am now weeping), holding with my wretched heart

The man I trusted with his love (with his love), has left me indeed

Honest God (Honest God), I really didn’t know that he would leave me

Really, I didn’t know

Really, I didn’t know

The moment I hear Baekhyun sang the first part--

I instantly fall in love with this song.

Tambah pulak dgn high note part yg Chen nyanyi tu. 

Dgn melodi yg mndayu2nya, dgn suara Baek & Chen yg macho nak mati nya. 

Adehhhh.

Aku tabik spring dgn Baek & Chen.

They melodiously sang this song.

Tersentuh hati aku bila dgr derang nyanyi.

Kayyyy terlebih jiwang ahahahahaha.

Hmmm.

One of my favourite song.

Baek & Chen--

you guys really did a great job laaaaa.

Ahahahaha.

Sekian.

Why I Love Them.

Assalamualaikum & hai hai hai (:

//okay, malam ni-- aku nk menggedik sikit.//

Presenting--

EXO baby, it's EXO!

Kayyy, i don't know where to start. Hmm.
Currently in love with this group.
Aku start minat derang masa aku form 5. Means, last year lah kan.
Jujur aku ckp, sblom ni, aku tak pandang pun derang. Sbb derang kan kira mcm baru lg kan.
When they debut, i was like--
What's so special with this group? Sampaikan kawan2 aku duk gila2 minat dkt derang.
Aku rasa mcm derang sama je dgn group kpop lain.
Itu dulu. Sekarang--
Haaaa, amek kau. Kan dah ter-join skali minat derang.
Adehhhhh.

Jujur lg aku ckp--
Aku TAK pernah minat artis kpop mcm aku minat derang ni. 
Tak pernah kay tak pernah. Serious talk.
Dimata aku, derang ni lain drpd artis2 kpop yg lain. 
This group consist of 12 talented yet so-handsome-that-i-could-die members. 
EXO was divided into 2 subs group, yakni--
EXO-K and EXO-M.
8 members from S.Korea and 4 members from China.
Setiap sorang punya keistimewaan masing2. Serious aku ckp.

Let me tell you the reason why i loveeeeee them--
Starting with the eldest hyung to the maknae.

Xiumin @ Kim Minseok;

EXO's Baozi. Sub-group EXO-M.
Eldest hyung i tell you. But, looking at his face-- 
he doesn't really deserves that title, right?
He's tooooo adorable :3
The reason why i love him is that--
he's really kind with his friends and maknaes and care about them a lot. 
(eventho he doesn't speak so much.)


Luhan;

EXO's deer. Sub-group EXO-M
Luhan ni bestfriend Xiumin (:
I really love it when he try to act manly.
Kayyy, he's very handsome. Can't doubt with that.
Tpi, manly and cuteness tu sama banyak.
Heeeeee.


Kris @ Wu Yi Fan;

Yeah, EXO-M's leadahhhhh.
Our Laxy-hyung.
My first impression towards this guy--
whoaaaa, what's wrong with him? 
Strucked by a superstar-disease or something?
Bajet2 cool gitu.
But when you get to know him--
seriously, he's sooooo crazy.
His attitude is very opposite with his appearance.
He's a warm person and did a really good job as a leader.
He takes care of his members really well.
Aku start jatuh hati dkt dia, bila aku tgk dia main basketball dlm Cool Kiz On Block.
He's so charming that me could die. Adehhhh -,-


Suho @ Kim Joonmyeon;

Tadaaaa~
EXO's and EXO-K's leadahhhhh.
EXO's guardian. EXO's rich guy.
Also known as Siwon the 2nd.
I just love the way how he treated his members.
Jujur aku ckp, best leader ever.
Dia layan je semua kerenah members dia yg gila2 tu.
Oh, and he also swipes his card for them. Ahahahaha.
Serius, aku respect dia. 


Lay @ Zhang Yixing;

Yixing-ah, why you so handsome ahhhhh? Ahahahaha.
Reasons why i love him--
His voice. His dimples. His dance. His dorky yet cute attitude.
And, he can play guitar and piano.
Okayyy, he has everything that a girl want. 


Byun Baekhyun;

RapByun in the houseeeeee.
EXO-K's main vocalist.
He talks a lot, yeahhhh.
(He's currently MC-ing SBS Inkigayo with Suho).
And he likes to immitate Tao. Ahahahaha.
And, he's cute. Super duper cute.
That's why i love him. 


Chen @ Kim Jongdae;

Mr. Funky JD. EXO-M's main vocalist.
I really really really love his voice.
Suara dia mak aihhhhhhh.
I get goosebumps all over my body everytime i hear he sings.
Serious, the most charming voice i've ever heard. 


Park Chanyeol;

EXO-K's rapper.
EXO's Happy Virus.
Dia ni pun menepati ciri2 lelaki idaman wanita jgk.
2nd tallest member in EXO (after Kris) . His deep voice is fatally charming.
Geng sakat keji EXO. Has dimples too (just like Lay).
And yes, he knows how to play instrument.


D.O @ Do Kyungsoo;

Yeahhhhhh, introducing--
EXO-K's vocalist. My UB weeeeee~
The moment i hear his voice, i instantly fall in love with him.
I usually prefer tall guy actually.
(he's the shortline-- along Suho, Umin & Chen-- in EXO)
But, i don't know why--
He seems so perfect to me. Ahahaha my squishy Dyo. 
I'm lost for words.
I just love him. All about him.
//can't wait to watch his debut film Cart. Go Dyo Go!//


Tao @ Huang Zitao;

EXO-M's rapper. My little panda.
He's very good in wushu. I got very fascinated everytime i watch him do that.
But, he's scared of bugs and ghosts.
Cute right? Ahahahaha.


Kai @ Kim Jongin;

EXO's dancing machine. Sub-group EXO-K.
He's equally macho and cute. Ahahahahahaha.
His dance moves was a real swag i tell you.



Last but not least--
Oh Sehun;

EXO's forever maknae. Yehet~
He's just adorable--
and handsome.
Eventho sometimes, he can be a little bit naughty--
but he treats his hyungs very very well.
And he gave them a lot of respects too.
Oh btw, his birthday is the same as mine jyeahhhh. Ohorat!
Lucky me :P



Kayyyyy. End of story.
Conclusion--
I just love them all.
They really show a good friendship in their team.
They really understand and knows how to support each other.
Eventho they were divided into 2 sub groups,
but that was not an excuse for them to draw a line between them.
They really are a one big family.

Dear EXO;

Thank you so much for bringing happiness into our (fans) life.

We pray for yr success in the future. 

Fighting EXO fighting!

EXO, we are one! Saranghajaaaaa~

Kay, done with the post. I'm off to bed.

Goodnite world. Sleep tite.

Dream of EXO ahahahaha.

Tanpa sedar.

Bising bertukar hening.
Tawa bertukar duka.
Kasih bertukar benci.

Tak terucap sepatah kata.
Sayu dihati tak dpt dibaca.
Menghimpit diri, memendam rasa.

Tanpa kita sedar--
kita jadi musuh dalam diam.


Sometimes, the one that we cared the most-- doesn't last longer. 
They only come in our life for once, and left us-- forever. 

#HappyTrahDay :D

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hai Trah. Just for you. Hope you like it. Heeeeeee.

And I, thank you (:

Do Kyung Soo.

Presenting.

This is Do Kyung Soo @ D.O

Exo-K's main vocalist.

He's quite a charm, kan?

Eventhough he's one of the shortest member in EXO,
but that appearance had made him look more cute and charming.

His voice (bagi aku)--
power gilaaaa kot. Macho. Haha.

Hmm. Comel je dia ni :3
#fangirling mood-- ON.